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The Emerald Nest Blog
For expertise and advice on topics ranging from toxic workplace culture, time management, tackling your mum guilt or how to know when to look for a new job. Your trusted wellbeing resource- The Emerald Nest blog.
5 lessons I need to unlearn now that I no longer work in a toxic workplace.
Why integrity matters more than a paycheck.
How to combat doomscrolling: 5 strategies to promote mental health and wellbeing when using social media.
How positive thinking can help you navigate negative situations WITHOUT just accepting or putting up with it.
One year post-redudancy/retrenchment I reflect on the biggest learnings I had, and how much I have changed.
Three reasons to update your resume/CV now.
Why do people quit their jobs? This post gives insight to individuals deciding whether they need a career change, but also to employers who are struggling to retain staff and are trying to understand what they might be thinking.
Imposter syndrome is that sense that you are not worthy of achievement and success, despite all of the evidence telling you that you are. How do you overcome this and reach your full potential?
I wrote this as I had just heard some really bad news. News of a terrible and tragic accident where a life has been lost. Receiving bad news is a universal experience, one that touches every aspect of our lives. Whether it's the loss of a loved one, an unexpected accident, or the sudden upheaval of losing a job, such moments can shake us to our core. In the face of such adversity, it's crucial to understand that the range of emotions we experience is entirely normal and valid. Embrace the Full Spectrum of Emotions: When confronted with bad news, it's natural to feel a whirlwind of emotions. From disbelief and shock to anger and sorrow, each emotion serves as a testament to the depth of our connections and the impact of the news. It's important to acknowledge and validate these feelings rather than suppress them. Crying is not a sign of weakness; it's a release of pent-up emotions that allows us to begin the healing process. By accepting the full spectrum of emotions, we grant ourselves permission to grieve and ultimately find solace in our shared humanity. Recalling a few times where I have been the recipient of bad news, I am aware now of what my response usually is- I generally start to breathe quickly, start shaking, find difficulty speaking and shut off to everything around me. People’s voices, sounds in the room or the voice on the phone disappear. My vision blurs. I start pacing and my body tenses up. The way I have learned to come out of this is with grounding techniques. One technique I like to use is the take four breaths, putting thumb to finger for each breath. I press my thumb firmly to one finger, then the next, the next and then the pinky. With each press I take a deep breath, and become consciously more aware of my body and my surroundings. As a person with a large reserve of empathy, my response then shifts to concern about the impacts of the news to others and I start looking for ways to help or problem solve. I throw myself into being busy and organising practical and necessary things, and sometimes have to remind myself to just stop and feel the feelings, especially the hard ones. The Ebb and Flow of Healing: Healing is not a linear process; it's a journey filled with twists, turns, and unexpected detours. Just when we think we've made progress, something may trigger a fresh wave of emotions, sending us spiralling once again. Seeing a police officer at a community event who had delivered some bad news last year gave me a rush of sadness a couple of weeks ago. I used it as an opportunity to be grateful for the compassion shown by professionals who are surrounded by life’s tragedies. It's essential to recognise that the cyclical nature of healing is entirely normal. Rather than viewing setbacks as failures, see them as opportunities for growth and introspection. Each step, no matter how small, brings us closer to acceptance and peace. Be patient with yourself during this process and trust that healing will come in its own time. Navigating Support and Boundaries: In times of crisis, it's natural for friends and loved ones to offer support and assistance. However, it's equally important to communicate your own needs and boundaries clearly. While people may have the best intentions, they may not fully understand the depth of your pain or the specific ways in which you wish to be supported. Don't hesitate to express your needs openly and honestly, whether it's a listening ear, a comforting presence, or simply some time alone to process your thoughts. At the same time, recognise that those offering support are also navigating their own journey of processing the bad news. Show gratitude for their presence and understanding, even as you assert your own boundaries. Significant life events have a way of magnifying unresolved family issues and tensions, often bringing them to the forefront during already challenging times. It's not uncommon for past grievances or buried conflicts to resurface when emotions are heightened, adding an additional layer of complexity to an already difficult situation. To navigate these familial challenges, it's crucial to approach interactions with empathy and patience, recognising that everyone may be processing the news differently. Setting clear boundaries and practicing effective communication can help diffuse tensions and foster a more supportive environment for healing. Seeking counselling support can also provide invaluable guidance and mediation, offering a safe space to unpack family dynamics and explore constructive ways to move forward together. Remember, addressing these underlying issues can lead to deeper healing and stronger familial bonds in the long run. Receiving bad news is an inevitable part of the human experience. By normalising the full range of emotions, embracing the ebb and flow of healing, and effectively communicating our needs and boundaries, we can navigate these challenging times with resilience and grace. If this is something you are finding challenging, counselling may be helpful. Remember, you are not alone in your journey, and there is strength in vulnerability. You can find solace in shared humanity and emerge from adversity with newfound resilience and compassion.
IYKYK. Mum guilt is a very special form of self-torture reserved for those who love and care about their children (which is pretty much all mums out there). Here's some advice for tackling working mum guilt. As a mother, and now a grandmother, I have had my fair share of mum guilt. Even after somehow managing to drag them all through to to adulthood, the mum guilt still lingers when I reflect on career choices and life choices with the wisdom I like to think I have accumulated. The mum guilt of the working parent is probably the most robust form of mum guilt I've faced. It's unrelenting presence can be a seriously challenging aspect of parenthood. Despite your best efforts, this feeling of not measuring up or doing enough can linger. How can working mothers confront and manage mum guilt effectively? This guide will explore steps to help you tackle mum guilt head-on, providing insights and strategies to navigate this common challenge with compassion and understanding. Understanding Mum Guilt The Phenomenon of Mum Guilt Mum guilt is a common experience shared among working parents. It's the persistent feeling that you're not doing enough for your children, or that your work is taking away from valuable time with your family. This emotional response can stem from societal expectations, personal ideals, or even the pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect parents. It's crucial to recognise that these feelings are often based more on perception than reality. Many working parents juggle multiple responsibilities and still provide loving, supportive environments for their children. Acknowledging that mum guilt is a widespread phenomenon is the first step towards managing it. It's not a reflection of your parenting but rather a sign that you care deeply about your children's well-being and happiness. Why Working Parents Feel Guilty Working parents often feel guilty because they're balancing a career and family life, which can lead to a perceived shortfall in one area or another. Time spent focusing on work can trigger worries about not being present enough for children's milestones or daily routines. Additionally, societal narratives still promote the idea that a good parent is always available, which can conflict with the realities of a working parent's schedule. This can create a sense of guilt even when parents are providing for their family's financial needs and setting a positive example of professional commitment. Furthermore, social media and peer comparisons can exacerbate these feelings, as the highlight reels of others' parenting moments may seem to overshadow one's own perceived ordinary or challenging days. Understanding these triggers is key to addressing and overcoming mum guilt. Strategies to Overcome Mum Guilt Counselling: A Tool for Balance Counselling can be a powerful resource for working mothers struggling with mum guilt. It offers a confidential space to explore feelings without judgment and to develop strategies to manage guilt effectively. A counsellor can help you identify the sources of your guilt, challenge unhelpful thought patterns, and set realistic expectations for yourself. Through counselling, you can also learn to balance the demands of work and family life by establishing boundaries and prioritising self-care. This balance is essential for not only your well-being but also for being emotionally available and present when with your family. Working with a professional can lead to improved communication skills, which can enhance family relationships. Ultimately, counselling is not about eliminating mum guilt entirely but about finding ways to cope with it so that it doesn't overwhelm your life. Practical Tips to Tackle Mum Guilt To tackle mum guilt, start by setting aside dedicated time each day or week to spend with your children, making these moments count with quality, focused interaction. Establish a routine that includes family activities, and be fully present without distractions during these times. Remember to communicate openly with your children about your work, helping them understand why you work and how it benefits the family. This openness can foster a sense of pride and appreciation for your role outside of the home. Additionally, it's important to build a support network of friends, family, or other working parents who understand the challenges you face. Sharing experiences and advice can be reassuring and can provide practical solutions to managing guilt. Lastly, practice self-compassion by recognising that no parent is perfect, and it's okay to make mistakes. Let go of harsh self-judgments and celebrate your achievements, both as a parent and a professional. Advice I have always given is that its OK to sometimes eat breakfast cereal for dinner and to skip a bath here and there. Also that it is OK not have everything money can buy- if reassessing your wants, needs and financial commitments can free up some space and time to lessen the guilt, then do it. Ensuring a Guilt-Free Parenting Journey Embracing the Positives of Being a Working Parent Embracing the positives of being a working parent is an effective strategy to alleviate mum guilt. It's important to acknowledge the benefits that your professional life brings to your family, such as financial stability, personal fulfillment, and the opportunity to model a strong work ethic (and if it isn't doing any of this- we need to talk). Children of working parents can develop independence and resilience by observing their parents successfully managing various responsibilities. Remember that being a working parent also contributes to a diverse and enriching environment for your children, as they get to interact with different caregivers and peers. This can enhance their social skills and expose them to new experiences. Take time to reflect on the moments of success and joy in both your career and your family life. By focusing on the positive outcomes of your work, you can shift the narrative from guilt to pride in your dual role as a working parent. Saying Goodbye to Mum Guilt for Good Saying goodbye to mum guilt for good involves a conscious effort to change your mindset. Begin by acknowledging that feeling guilty is a natural response, but it doesn't have to define your parenting experience. Set clear and achievable goals for both your personal and professional life, and celebrate when you reach them, no matter how small they may seem. Regularly assess your priorities and make adjustments as needed to ensure your time and energy are focused on what matters most to you and your family. Develop a mantra or affirmation that reinforces your value as a parent and a professional, reminding yourself of this during challenging times. Moreover, don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it, whether it's delegating tasks at work or at home. By embracing a community approach to parenting and acknowledging that it truly 'takes a village', you can alleviate the pressure to do it all on your own and significantly reduce feelings of guilt.
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